I have seen friends and heard of other women whose husbands go out and buy their ladys big harleys (and trust me a 883cc sportster may not LOOK big but it really is), encourage them to take a riders safety class and get their license and then spend tremendous amounts of time yelling, criticizing or in general scaring them, making even a strong woman feel totally incapable and ready to give up.
Men want to be helpful and are also aware of the nature of riding a motorcycle. It is a dangerous lifestyle. In fairness, I do not believe that our men are trying to discourage us. In my experience their need to share their own experience or their fear when they see something go wrong (like riding into gravel on a curve) is the same type of mars/venus thing that happens when your man decides to "help" you with a household appliance. They are men. Men fix things. Don't take it personally and don't let it get you down. Find a female support system. Practice on your own in a parking lot. Join a women's riding group. Read books and articles on the internet. But if you truly want to ride, put on your big girl leathers, tell your man that you'll learn at your own pace and then get out there and do it!
I was very lucky. I did not have a significant other when I learned to ride. I was a member of a riding club as a backseat, had become very close to the men in the club and when I started to ride they treated me more like a brother than a wife or sister. They reacted a couple of times when I had something happen that scared them, but they never yelled or assumed I was less of a rider than they were. They encouraged me a lot, mentored me, answered my questions, and most of all just demonstrated good riding skills. Those long trips with those men made me the rider I am today.
So first things first. If hubby buys you a bike and you really do want to ride then even if he doesn't suggest it take a safety class. Then after the class really look at the bike HE chose. Does it fit you? Is it too big, too powerful, too heavy?. Can you flat foot it? If the bike isn't right for you then take it back and trade it or get your money back and get a bike that fits you. You and that bike are going to become one as you learn to ride. That can't happen if it's not the right bike and as much as our men love us they rarely know what is going to fit us perfectly. You won't either until you have comparison shopped, test ridden and done the sit test A LOT.
How do you find that perfect bike? Go into dealerships and sit on every bike they have. Does it feel comfortable with your feet to either side? Can you sit comfortably while you have your hands on the handle bars and feet on the pegs. Do you feel like your legs have to reach around the bike to get to the pegs? Lean over a bit. Do you feel like you can keep reasonable control of the bike even when it goes to the side or is it too heavy? Use the salesmen. They will gladly hold the front of the bike for you to get a feel because they want to make a sale. Sit on all of them. Go back and forth if you find one you like but aren't sure.
Don't just stick to a brand for the name value. Harleys are fabulous bikes and I ride a sportster now, but they are not starter bikes no matter how much someone tries to tell you. Sportsters look small. But their history is that of a model that started out as a racing bike. That should be a first clue. They are light, powerful and the clutch can be very hard to learn. It's taken me a while to master the lurch factor in 1st gear of my sportster. Yamaha and Honda both make 650cc and smaller bikes like the Shadow and Vstar that are easier to ride and lighter to handle (and pick up if you need to by yourself) to start with.
One note on dealerships; if you are not treated as a valued customer, then leave. Don't deal with a salesman that talks down to you, and don't stay in a dealership that ignores you because you are a woman. No dealer is the only guy in town. Go to a place where you can establish a good working relationship since if you buy that new bike you will want to go back for regular maintenance and if any trouble occurs.
Finally, don't feel pressured to buy a brand new bike. New bikes are beautiful. They are bright and shiny and full of chrome. Chrome is very easy to scratch. Lots of pieces are easily dented. And trust me, you will drop your bike. At least once, if not more. It just happens. It's part of learning. I encourage new riders to search through Craigslist or local postings. Still go to the dealerships and find the bike you want but then find a model that is a little older. If it's your first bike and you are not sure that you'll be good at figuring out that it's worth the money do your homework and when you go to look at it take someone who has ridden for a while to tell you what they think on a test ride. They may pick up things you might not notice.
One last note. I found a fabulous website today. It is run by VTwin Mama and is just chock full of helpful advice and information. One of my favorite pieces was a riders map that you can add yourself to in order to connect with other women riders. You rate your own experience level, can offer to be a mentor, advertise a women's group or event. It's pretty cool. You can find VTwin Mama here. Go and take a look. We all need as much advice and learning as we can get to stay safe.
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